I have gone through various transitions of embracing it and rejecting it. At first this seems confused or erratic, perhaps even mean and vindictive to the people who only cared about me who had me diagnosed with it. However, there was reason to doubt. Asperger's syndrome wasn't named after a British or French psychoanalyst but after an Austrian doctor who came up with the disorder at the height of Nazi Germany.
There is something seriously wrong with me however. One friend said I feel too much - that I feel fear on a level perhaps most don't and that when someone close to me is in distress, I feel the need to protect them in ways that may be over the top or dramatic. When I am frustrated with someone, a similar result comes about.
One friend, a girl who was diagnosed with Asperger's, says she doesn't trust the diagnosis at at all. However, when talking it seemed like we did have something similarly odd going on with our brains. Could it be that Hans Asperger, despite his shady employment, did isolate some personality trait that is real?
As the world has gone in to a very strange phase of transition, what I like to call it, I have really started feeling the old symptoms again. I went from wanting to push everyone away late last year to wondering how people I haven't talked to in a while are, worried that they might come to harm. I'm scared at the seeming turmoil we are in. I have found myself in the shower moving my head back and forth, oversleeping and worrying when, despite what the world may be in, my personal life is about as comfortable and clement as could be - with a room of my own in the heart of one of the best cities in the world, a girlfriend and seeming freedom.
My friend Larry Bernard said that we are "strange brains" and that may be a safer better than the loaded AS. In times of trouble like these, I really feel the curse of my weird mind. It's something I have to live with.