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The Mind and Allure of the Impossible Woman

A note - Blogging isn't free. Right now I provide gifts to my writers as a way of thanking people for writing. I would like to be able to afford to give them some sort of renumeration, even if it is small, for making this blog what it is. I'm in talks with a friend who may be able to help connect this blog, which has been in existence for one year now, with more religious communities dedicated to interfaith dialogue. Your donation will do a lot toward making that happen.



Sharon Cretsinger is a great writer and contributor here at Radical Second Things. She has accepted my challenge - to write an article wherein she takes the perspective of a modern man. I have done the opposite here, trying to understand the modern woman and the rage she feels. I can't speak for what Sharon will write but my perspective is still present in this - I have simply tried to synergize it with the viewpoint of the most difficult women.

There's probably been two women in my 20s (and I really count my 20s as the critical stage for relationships) who I can really say I love. When you really love someone, it's a bit physically painful. Just seeing their face or hearing their name causes your body to tense up. You feel short of breath. You feel scared, honestly.

All three were and are as difficult as a freezing cold hurricane in hell. Readers of this blog know who one of them is - I'll let you imagine the other. Both said they loved me and showed intense intimacy and both accused me of some seriously weird shit and pushed me away even as they invited me towards them.

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I think that most women who are intelligent naturally become feminists. For men who do not experience anything other than the exterior experience of the feminist, they do not really get what causes so many women to become feminists. I am not naïve about what women face. I think it's a reasonable supposition that most women face some form of rape or sexual assault in their lifetime - statistics are that one in three face it and that is just what is reported.

It honestly took me a while to get a grip on that reality. I grew up primarily around women and faced a great deal of their nonsense. I didn't really have any men in my life for a good long while. I do now and the reality of how base and retarded men are is disillusioning. I have a great deal of female friends and I'm at a point where I don't even talk to my male friends about any activities I did. They pretty much are like automated action figures who have the same few responses to any activities you could have done with the opposite sex - "Did you fuck her?," "Did you fuck her yet?" and "He didn't fuck her yet." The last time I heard "He didn't fuck her yet." but was when I said "Uh you really don't need to know that" after being asked "Did you fuck her?" The depths of male conversations about the opposite sex really are jaw dropping.

I didn't realize I had a feminist side until I talked about meeting a friend of mine who has kids. I was planning to meet my friend, who has kids with a partner of several years, and taking a male friend with me but found myself getting really pissed as he kept talking about hitting on this woman who obviously had commitments.

"I thought she was a single MILF with kids and you were trying to hook me up."

"I never fucking said anything like that! I said I was meeting a friend and you're the one who sexualized it!"

My friend backed off and fortunately I was able to meet with my female friend and play with her kids at the playground without him around looking for the right opportunity to be a pickup artist.

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When you don't announce to a male friend that you had sex or made love, they assume you didn't because in their world, sex isn't sex unless you exclaim from a loudspeaker and from a billboard to the world that you just did it. Most of them may only have relationships with women so that they can do that, I think. One of my friends assumed I was a virgin for a long time and I just nodded along - he made sure the whole world knew if he slept with a girl, even if it was unsatisfactory. If I didn't do so, I must be a virgin or gay. You either get laid, on deadline, as fast and as swiftly as possible or you have failed - it's really not hard to imagine how that culture leads to rape.

Given that sort of retardation, it's no wonder so many women become feminists. The three women I listed at the beginning of this post all were/are feminists. One even was prominent within feminist publishing circles. Nevertheless, feminism is fueled by anger, especially for younger women who haven't quite aged in to nuance yet. This anger makes it impossible to deal with them - even their closest male lovers and friends, and probably them more than any others, start to carry the blame and rage that they feel towards the society around them.

The fact that the rage of such intelligent women is so indiscriminate should probably illustrate how deep seated their rage is. The indiscriminate nature of their rage should also indicate the fears and anxieties about men that lay at the foundation of their fear - they are not really sure which men, or what kind of men, are capable of the crappy stuff that other men have put them through and so target whichever men close to them start to show signs of the harm they encountered before.

Their feelings of not being appreciated for their mind and only on a superficial level leverage serious rage, their fear of sexual assault and their fractured self-esteem, there as a result of being inundated with toxic societal expectations, doesn't really have a precise target. There is no individual man that can be targeted as having caused all this for them. The men in their loves, and the men they feel most passionate toward, naturally bear the intense brunt for these societal traumas mostly because they're there.

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It's happened a few times. My best friend once did it to me. After Jen's death, she attempted to hook me up with a girl who wasn't a good fit in many ways. It didn't go too well and my friend suggested that "maybe I thought she'd be easier because she's from a developing country"- the girl was from Mexico. I naturally got pretty mad at this and told her that I never even would have talked to this girl if not for her and that the whole reason she had me talk to her was to hook me up.

She apologized and said that she felt like she had glued on to some toxic feminist ideas while living in California, where she studies. It sucks when women, who you love and you know love you, start to throw stuff at you that they know is not true. It still comes out because it is how they feel towards a lot of men and, as a man close to them, you're the one who is going to deal with it at some point.

One of her friends, when she was talking back in Mexico, said "I don't know what experiences you've had with men but you need to calm down!" She told me she realized she'd let hate take over. She had a very good reason for feeling that hate - she works in the tech field, a field dominated by difficult, arrogant and socially inward men. I've found myself hating men in that field in the brief periods where I've worked for them as an editor - I can only imagine dealing with them regularly as a woman. Nevertheless the relationship between her and I has repaired itself and carried on.

Even warranted hate is still hate. Hate never wins. Only love produces anything in this world.

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Feminism is a bit like a military that decides to fight an insurgency with scorched earth tactics. The targets of the rage are imprecise and women naturally end up straining their relationships with men once they start inculcating feminist ideology in to their lives. When you let your rage out indiscriminately, people who have nothing to do with it will get hurt. Part of the reason I started this writing project was for Sharon, an accomplished feminist writer, and myself to swap places and try to understand the mind of the modern man and woman. The gender gulf is the widest gulf of all, wider than any racial gulf. If we can cross that gulf, we've really done something.

Comments

  1. Of all the gulfs/gaps, the gender gulf has to be the oldest, if one considers the first one ever to be that of Adam and Eve. Then the one before that had to have been the gulf between the first man and woman and their Heavenly Parent/Creator.

    Given that as background, the resentment becomes historical, as Michael, you say it runs very deep. Yes. It's so deep that we as women seem to have little/no control over it...Understanding myself as an historical being helped heal my resentment. I still have to deal with my emotional trauma, but putting things into perspective, wow. That is helpful! (So my treatise below...)


    Why have women been so tormented, spat upon, hated and abused throughout the ages? My thoughts turn to Unification Thought and the Divine Principle. The DP is a religious text, in many ways, but it also is a very logical, scientifically sound argument including 1. What are the original principles, motivation, and heart of creation 2. What was the motivation, process, and result(s) of the fall of man and woman from their creator 3. What has been the historical process to restore humankind back to its creator, Heavenly Parent, and original state?

    All religions bare some truths to these questions; I must say though that after studying the DP for 36 years, (and still researching) that it has the power to melt the barriers between religions, and most importantly between man and woman, in love. The DP is a modern revelation, suited for modern, scientific man and woman, yet it answers the questions of the heart. Please consider studying it :) I love you. ..Nancy H.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love you too and I am. Our relationships are also difficult because of the contradiction in man - we are all filled with love and evil. No matter how much we love one another, sometimes the other side comes out.

    ReplyDelete

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About Radical Second Things

Michael Orion is a blogger, writer, artist and photographer based in the Bay Area. Besides his maintenance and promotion of Radical Second Things, he contributes to the San Francisco newspaper SF Western Edition, where he writes about local non-profit organizations.

Mark Cappetta is a practicing Catholic and active LGBT activist. He has been instrumental in keeping Radical Second Things and updates the Facebook account almost daily.

Eva Gnostiquette is an artist, programmer, "future scientist," bi-trans girl and graphic designer. She voluntarily helped to create the first print issue Radical Second Things and designed our beautiful banners. Thanks so much, Eva!

Jordan Denato is a professional artist based out of Iowa. He took the initiative to illustrate both Jennifer Reimer's story and Michael Orion's Oscar Romero work. He has his own art studio, Tar and Feather Studios, and is a critical part of Radical Second Things.

Radical Second Things is a liberation theology themed blog that has clear cut goals - we see the structural decline of the United States and much of the west and hope to present alternatives that will offer "a preferential option for the poor" as more become vulnerable.

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